Dear Sex Addicts,

There is muffled moaning coming from your apartment which is oh so conveniently right above mine. So please, if you intend on running your porn studio, remember it's "Ohhhh" and not "Ooooh."

Have fun with the gang-banging,
Stephanie

Dear Acclaim,

I bought your Alias video game in hopes of scoring some kick ass martial arts moves. So far, Sydney has died 7 times. Is this a sign that I'll never make black belt?

Optimistic and stupid,
Stephanie

Dear Stranger who looks like Richard (post-FamilyNest) with Nick Nolte Hair,Pulling me aside on the street to talk about the ( Read more... )

Life has reached an all time low. (e.g. totally listening to Ace of Base right now)

I went to the dentist for my 6 month check up and learned that I have to have all of my wisdom teeth pulled. ON THURSDAY!

Then, I heard that kid in 5-0 banging his girlfriend to some Fifty Cent song.

Finally, I still have to write my goddamn thesis on The ( Read more... )

It rained today ending a 3 week drought! Whoo!

It was so strange to hear the pitter patter on the pavement that I actually wondered if that guy in 4-O was pissing out of his window. AGAIN.

Which also brings me to my next topic. Men and laundry rooms. I don't care if you look like Antonio Banderas, it is not cool to hit on someone while she's ( Read more... )

I went to the Hell's Kitchen Flea Market today with my traveling companion, Monsieur Canard, my pirate rubber duck.

I took some lovely pictures of him next to African fertility idols, silverware, and the stray deer lawn sculpture. I hope to develop and post the pictures soon.

In other news, I rushed home to rewatch Amelie after having a nightmare ( Read more... )

It is not fun to hang out in a seedy, dark neighborhood at 11 PM where some drunken man is smoking weed.

However, it is funny when said flying-high drunkard thinks your best friend is a midget and a puerto rican.

I've been sucker punched by an unusually tall Mexican woman today on the train.Don't believe it huh? Yeah a really tall Mexican...that surprised me too. Anyway, I was at the Jay Street subway stop which was crammed pack with commuters (stupid rush hour). The train finally came after being 5 minutes late and the herd of cattle I'm with shoved their ( Read more... )

Dear US Airways,

I really appreciate you getting me back home in time for Wildfire and all, but is it absolutely necessary to navigate my plane onto the runaway when an incoming Boeing 747 is making its landing. I didn’t think so.

However, I didn’t mind having an entire row of seats to myself, so kudos.

Love Your Near Roadkill,
Stephanie

I'm being targeted by cockroach assassins.

I was minding my own business watching some John Stewart when a huge ass roach makes its way across the floor, probably heading to the kitchen to fix itself a margarita. Apparently, my screaming ("Sweet FUCKING Jesus") disrupted his happy hour for Roberto the Roach decided to charge at me ( Read more... )

What happens when Stephanie has only $114 dollars to keep her alive for 5 days?

Why, she wastes $90 on rollerblades and movie tickets. And the rest on food....which unfortunately only lasted til Saturday evening.Consequently, aside from starving to dead like Kate Moss, Stephanie opted to mooch off other people's food supplies. Unfortunately, this ( Read more... )